Ahhh, Step Two…. This step just cuts right to the heart of the issue. Here are my thoughts on what Step Two “means.”
Let’s start at the end – INSANITY. What is meant by insanity is the picking up of (a drink, a dessert, a drug, a poison) when you don’t want to and you are stone cold sober (don’t have any of “it” in your system).
Now for the beginning – CAME TO BELIEVE. For me, another way of saying (especially at the start) this would be, “Dared to trust.” After taking a thorough Step One and admitting wholeheartedly that I am completely powerless over alcohol (and sugar) and that my life is unmanageable, the question then becomes, “Do I dare to trust that there is something other than myself and my will that I need to restore me to sanity?” Do I dare to trust in the process, in the people in the room, in a force greater than my addiction and myself?
For me, by daring to trust and by taking the recommended actions, I did come to believe.
Remember, as it says in the Big Book in the chapter called We Agnostics, we have faith in all sorts of things – faith that when we flick a switch that the light will come on, that the roof over our head will not cave in and so on. Is it our faith that keeps the roof up and the light on? No, but there are laws that govern the universe that are beyond our comprehension that do explain electricity and structural architecture.
What so many of us have forgotten or never learned is that our seeking nature is as much a part of us as the need to breathe, eat, sleep, avoid pain, reproduce, etc. In other words, the drive to connect beyond ourselves is essentially an instinct. Our addictions block us from this connection physically (hijacking a part of our brain that keeps us from the brain’s calm, spiritual center), mentally (we are stuck in a loop of obsession) and spiritually (we are in survival mode, not thrive mode). Remember: connection is the opposite of addiction!
In the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, many of us are introduced for the first time to the idea of creating our own Higher Power, developing our own concepts of God. We get to “set aside” our family religion or our identity as an atheist and start FRESH. We get to ask questions like, “What if God is everything?” Does my God care what I call it? Does it “need” to be worshiped to work with me? Where is this HP? Where isn’t it? Is it this God that takes the addiction? Or is it the faith that I am a part of this grand, loving force that reveals to me the option of taking the steps that are the solution?
I don’t claim to have the answers to any of these questions for anyone but myself – and even those answers are ever evolving. For me, the more benevolent and loving I imagine my God to be, the more benevolent and loving I feel and the less I need to look to some substance to feel normal.
I was procrastinating on Facebook this morning and I saw something new. It was a rephrasing of “God never gives you more than you can handle.” It said, “God’s grace keeps pace with what we face.” I loved it so much that I turned it into an inspirational wallpaper for my phone. Grab it here for your phone!
THAT really described my experience of doing business with God! When I am ready and willing to get honest and really face my part in whatever causes me distress (overeating sugar, my son on an ADHD medication for the first time, a husband that does not bend to my will LOL), God shows up, greeting me with an open palm, carrying me with a big smile. In those moments, those flows, I do feel sane. When I am sane, I am open to advice and to taking action.
For those of you participating in the March series on the 12 steps on sugar addiction, I look forward to the experience of Higher Power in our gathering and sharing of our thoughts and feelings.
For everyone else reading this, I hope you found a little HP here and I would love to read your thoughts and feelings in the comments.